kanguskhan:

Moving your hand and letting the measuring tape retract all the way is literally the most terrifying thing ever

(Source: the-laughing-cactus)

today at work a young hispanic man was having trouble with the bottle machine he was using so i stayed outside with him to help unjam it and help with the bottles and when he was done a bunch of gangsters showed up who knew him apparently and he shook my hand and they were all like ”eeyy you alright man you alright. you ever need anyting you let us know aint nobody gun fuck wit you” and then they taught me this intricate handshake and thats how i accidentally joined a mexican gang

(Source: catsinbutter)

• me when i go out: i should've stayed home
• me when i stay home: i should've gone out
• me when i'm around people: i want to be alone
• me when i'm alone: i want to be around people
• me when i'm mean to people: i need to be nicer
• me when i'm nice to people: i need to be meaner